23 confesiones deordenadas o The 23 Things I Didn't Tell You That Time We Had Lunch in the Shade
1.I once told you,
on that night our cellphones
became portable confessionals,
that I’d never been in love.
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned:
this was a big fat lie.
2. I like the way you look at me,
like you’re staring out the window
instead of paying attention in class.
I hope you’re paying attention
to me.
3. I used to just
like looking at you.
But then,
something crept up on me.
And now the best part of my day
is talking about yours,
and you asking about mine.
Sitting in my car
outside of my house
when I should be going inside.
I don’t expect the phone to ring,
when people say they’ll call me back.
But you always do.
Every single time.
4. I love your smile.
5. I know what [who]
you talk about
when you talk about
love [heartbreak].
For better
or for worse,
I can tell you
I’m not
her.
6. I think of you every time
I eat chocolate.
7. I hope you think of me.
Sometimes.
8. El amor nos pone pendejos.
Tú mismo lo dijiste.
9. You’re not who I thought
you would be. This
is not how
I imagined you.
You’re not even who I wanted
or thought I wanted
or waited for.
10. Above everything else,
I admire you.
Even if I don’t agree
with everything you do.
I’m aware
that these disagreements
will be our
downfall.
The cracks in our
foundations.
Irreconcilable differences
at the base
of who we are.
But
that doesn’t stop me
from standing here
on my side,
gazing over the gap
in awe of everything
you are.
I know there’s no way
I can cross.
11. I swear I’m not
a bad person.
Even if I laugh at all those jokes.
I say,
“I’m going to hell”.
But you know I don’t mean that.
Right?
12. I know
you don’t like me,
like I like you.
I know
“we”
will never happen.
That doesn’t stop me
from listening to
that Miniature Tigers song
on repeat.
13. I lied
when I said:
I had never
let anyone
ever
break my heart.
It happened.
Once. I opened
myself up and thought,
“If this goes to shit,
it won’t be my fault.”
And guess what?
It wasn’t.
14. I admire your courage.
And your strength.
I wish I had it.
15. What are you thinking
when you look at me
like that? What
do you see?
Can you see
everything I hide
in the jar I keep
next to my bed?
16. “I fear.
I might not be
enough.”
17. I envy your convictions.
The fact that you
have them. The ground
that you stand on
is solid. Mine’s
slowly crumbling.
Letting me
fall.
18. At the risk
of sounding
like a terrible
cliché:
when I’m with you,
you make me
want to be
better.
Less cynical.
Less skeptical.
19. I’ve been
caught
gushing about
you.
20. I’ll start to miss you
before we even say
goodbye. Absence
makes the heart grow
fonder [and very very
impatient].
21. It’s my own fault.
You never wished me any sort of harm; but I…
[finish the quote]
22. I’m comfortable
here. Being your
friend. Even if
just that.
I’m happy being
your friend.
23. I’m always scared
I’ll say too much
and scare you
off. I overshare.
Please stop me
if I do.
I’ll open
myself up
to you, bleed
myself dry
for you,
even if you
won’t.
Lista de imágenes:
1. MaryStardust, Autumn Daydream.
2. Lara Zankoul, The Unseen, 2013.
3. Sergey Ivanov.
4. Ronen Goldman, We were meant for each other.
5. Salvador Dalí, Couple with their heads full of clouds, 1936.
